Love: Just One Right Swipe Away 

By Kayla Gerber

UCLA’s most questionable guys are on the market. Find out how to snatch one for yourself today! Cuffing season’s over but it’s never too late to find a special someone. Looking for someone to hold your hand and walk you down Bruin Walk to class? Someone to stroll through the Botanical Gardens with? Tinder is the place to be!

This is what your Tinder profile picture says about you, written from a female’s perspective. Here’s a guide on how to definitely catch a girl’s attention. 

  1. Photos with ALL your friends—You’re so hot that you just had to give everyone else a chance. Are you the guy on the left, middle, or right? Or are you the 5’4 dude in the sea of 6’1s? Do we expect you all to show up to the date or will we be surprised when only you get there?  It’s hard to be sure. 
  2. A blank screen—You’re mysterious and we’re here for it. What do you look like? Maybe you’re 6’3 with a charming resemblance to Jacob Elordi. Or maybe you’re 45 and looking for women who will send you feet pics once a week.  Doesn’t even matter. It’s about what’s on the inside, am I right? 
  3. A picture of you fishing from 2014—You probably grew up in Louisiana or somewhere in the deep south. Your apartment “decor” consists of a single American flag. You own a red trucker hat and love your country deeply. #merica
  4. A gym pic—You don’t have time for anyone else. You’re probably unemployed and spent your remaining cash on an LA fitness membership. You have a sign in your room that says “I need a room full of mirrors so I can be surrounded by winners” by your one and only inspo Kanye West.  No pain no gain, am I right?
  5. Photos with other women—Are you single? Are you cheating on your girlfriend? Are you posing with all your female friends that rejected you in hopes that the girls on Tinder won’t? Shoot your shot regardless. 
  6. Photos with your mother—Your Tinder account is definitely run and maintained by your mom. You live in your parents’ basement and your mom is praying for the day you move out of the goddamn house. 
  7. Photo with the frat bros—Your name is Chad or Brad. You make your date split the check for dinner. Your Thursdays through Sundays are reserved for the boys only. Your first question is always “what sorority are you in?” 
  8. A photo in front of Royce—You thought it would be acceptable to use your LinkedIn profile for Tinder. You thought we wouldn’t notice. Two for the price of one! Your bio consists of your job history and work experiences. You’re hoping to share it all with a special someone. 
  9. Photos of you in USC gear–You actually go to USC, but you constantly go to Rocco’s every Thursday night to hit on every girl who goes to UCLA. You spent forty dollars on an Uber all the way to our bar to “prove” that your school is without a doubt better. The “enemies to lovers” trope is being activated. 

I hope this comes in handy when you’re trying to figure out which profiles to swipe right on! Good luck and remember that love is just one right swipe away. 

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