By Jordin Wang Give me power to divulge, O Muse, how dudebros boast their bulge, What ventures they must take to share Their rearing members everywhere, And for what passions in return They, sliding in DM’s, do yearn. From Beta Theta Pi on Gayley Chad B. Branson sallies daily Hoping for some sweet diversion (Maybe Asian: Hindi, Persian) To spend a drunken midnight stand with And share the glory of his…bandwidth. But on this day, he stays at home And tries a new app on his phone: ‘Tis Bumble, where the single shawties Reach out to their chosen hawties. Some freshman no doubt would be down To sojourn into boner town. So here he sits, an hour or more, Perusing booties on the floor Between a pile of muddy jeans And dog-eared Men’s Health magazines. “She’s got dat ass, but she’s too thin. This one’s got acne; a Bernie pin?” Those lefty chicks are pretty wild…” He adds her to his wank bank file And as he swipes on all the girls His member stealthily unfurls… Yet here! A perfect match! Success! He boo-yahs, starts to half undress, And checks the profile picture: Maddy Looks like she would want a daddy. Fishnets, earrings, spiky collar: This babe would be a total baller. He snaps a pic of his half-mast And waits with hope in hand: at last He’d break his two-week blueball streak And get it with a D cup freak. To be continued…
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