By Julia Torres
Where do I begin?
Firstly, I must thank you. You have graciously humbled me into becoming a better driver.
Your perilous parking situation, to put it mildly, allows me to squeeze into formerly undrivable spaces with ease. The laws of the natural world truly do not apply to you.
You transcend all asphalt-paved norms.
I look at the distance between two poorly parked cars, often a 3-foot gap at best, and never think twice. I have complete faith that I will be able to drive through it at unprecedented speeds, completely unbothered, as Silk Sonic blasts through my sound system.
Atoms will rearrange themselves if need be. No one interrupts Bruno.
Your blind, sensual curves force me to use my sixth sense: will there be a stumbling sorority girl or Duffl delivery person bursting out of the shadows?
The answer is usually no. Usually.
I cherish how you always keep me on my toes.
While navigating your mountainous terrain, I regularly find myself leaning back at a near 90 degree angle. Although slightly afraid that my car will stall and mercilessly tumble backwards into The Abyss (also known as Levering Avenue), I trust that the cars around me are able to maneuver their way up you. I am tightly gripping my steering wheel in comfort, not in fear. I promise.
Driving through you at night is an especially breathtaking experience unlike any other.
Thirsty Thursdays often attract aggressive Uber drivers to you; when they rush past stop signs with no regard for human life, I am forced to simulate action scenes from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift with ease.
They really should have cast me.
And now, to speak of the ambiance that haughty pedestrians create! I aspire to have the confidence that these strikingly indifferent students have as they cross the street when it is clearly not their right of way. Their lack of emotional control, which often manifests itself in flipping off cars or looking at drivers as though they are crazy to be following proper traffic laws, is something that I hope to someday channel within myself in all aspects of life.
Even in the short amount of time that I spend within your vicinity, dear Strathmore, I emerge as a better driver, pedestrian, and global citizen.
A Future Monaco Grand Prix Champion