Letter to the Bruin Community

By Logan Sobel

With the global pandemic raging on and Omicron remaining prevalent, Chancellor Gene Block has written a letter to the student body addressing new restrictions.

Dear Bruin Community,
UCLA is closely monitoring the ongoing spread of the SARS-CoV-2 Omicron variant and its potential impact on our campus. The following rules are set in stone and will not be open for discussion.

1. Testing will be a weekly occurrence. Anyone who tests positive will be forced into a 5-10 day isolation period unless you can prove you’re going to go extra wild the upcoming weekend.

2. Due to the increased contagiousness of omicron, masks are no longer seen as safe. It’s healthier for everyone if the virus gets diluted through the air directly.

3. Masks must be worn at all times unless your rights “feel infringed upon” or you are “fiending for a hit right now.”

4. The vaccine and appropriate boosters will be required for in person attendance this quarter. However, exemptions are still possible. Exemptions include:

  • Religious
  • Medical
  • Your friend’s dad informed you that they are “chipping all of us” and that when the government uses it to “make us enjoy weird butt things,” only the “unshipped will be safe”
  • You just weren’t feeling it that day
  • The Walk to your local Walgreens is kinda scary (I feel this one)

5. Indoor facilities including those used for social gatherings will be closed for further notice unless you’re throwing a banger and I can get in no matter the ratio. You have to promise me though.

6. Visitors will not be allowed in dorms; this includes those partaking in romantic relationships. This doesn’t apply to me though…if someone were to want to as me out.

I know what you, the students, are thinking, but you must bear with us as these truly are trying times. And I really am trying to please just someone DM about the date.

Love you,

Chancellor Gene David Block

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