By: Logan Sobel
To the Person I Ride My Bird Scooter with to Save Money, with Love,
The world last night was just the two of us. At the Westwood In-
N-Out. It was late on a Friday night and all those perfectly mixed
drinks we had killed were digesting beautifully. Together, we
observed the enthralling environment of 16 year olds from a high
school that couldn’t have been anywhere close to this In-N-Out,
drunk people with stolen road signs, and that older man who is
just kinda always there by himself offering to buy people nicotine.
A wave of exhaustion fell over us, and we decided we needed to
go home. And what better mode of transportation than one Bird
scooter for two. Despite never having driven a bird before, I
refused to ride in the back out of fear of emasculation. I gripped
the handle and suddenly, we were off. I was such a natural!
I’m talking swerving in front of cars, jumping curbs, splitting
couples, and brake checking every once in a while because I was
scared we were going too fast. Just to keep you on your toes.
Oh and the sights we saw going up Gayley?!
Who wants anything more than to see a group of guys take the walk
of shame home after getting rejected by every house on frat row?
I look upon them with disdain as I cruise smoothly by, pretending
later not to see them as my state-of-the-art scooter revealed its uphill
impairments or to see a chiseled man in a BMW drive dangerously
fast and close to us. I remember driving past it — the Ronald Reagan
UCLA Medical Center — and thinking just how aptly named it is. He
really did love to help people.
It was really on the way up the hill where our Bird really showed off
its peak technological performance. It demonstrated its dynamic
range by taking us from 14 mph all the way down to 1 mph. We
were awkwardly trekking up the hill together, at a snail’s pace, while
everybody watched in amusement.
Then we’re home sweet home, back at the hill. And I have to lie to
you and tell you I live in Sunset Village even though I live in Rieber
because I don’t think I’m making it up the stairs tonight. Immediately
after parting ways you turned back to me, surely intending to ask me
to walk you back to your dorm, but I was nowhere to be seen as I
had disappeared into the Covel Game Room to challenge a random
person to a game of Mario Kart (only at 50cc though).
What a perfect Friday night. College Rocks.
Your Bird Lover